How to keep believing

I was so down. Down to the ground. Alone. No one to catch me. Desperate for answers, desperate for help. In the dark. Misery was my best friend, and death was something I was wishing for.

I was there. And sometimes I still have those days. I am not always full of happy thoughts, I am human, as much as you are. I can be weak; I can be lost.

When you are sick, and people around you don’t recognize it, and doctors don’t have answers for your condition, it can be tough. You can feel like there is nobody out there to feel with you. Even your own partner can be lost as much as you are, without a compass. Especially if you are a family with kids, and babies.

I had just become a mother of twin boys when I started to feel miserable. Mothers should always feel good about the presents of their children. The best thing for women who are expecting is to be healthy.

After labor which was difficult, I started to feel tired. Every day became a struggle. Instead of enjoying my beautiful sons, I could not even smile.

That whole year I spent going to the hospital for research. Doctors even started to convince me that it was a depression that was struggling with. Without answers, you really start to slowly accept that it is depression or perhaps something worse.

I went through a hysterectomy one year later, they tested me for different things.

When I finally got my diagnosis, which was 1,5 years later, I could finally relax. Finally, I had an answer, and I wasn’t crazy.

This was a period without hope, without fate.

Fate came back to me when I refused all medical treatments and started to walk on a path that was unfamiliar to me. Everything started to unveil in front of me, a whole new world of possibilities.

I discovered raw vegan food, sungazing, barefoot walking, spending time alone, wild herbs harvesting, love for nature, music, animals, and trees. Reconnecting with me, my inner voice, a voice that speaks the truth, a voice that connects me with God – goddess.

I can tell you a lot about it, but you have to take those steps. Just to let you know, you are not alone. We walk this path of life together. Somewhere we all lose our belief system, so what, create a new one, better one, for you and your environment. Start moving, get into action and you will feel it, in every cell of your body. Faith will return to you, it never left you. And even if you don’t have faith right now, don’t worry, most of us doubt everything. It is ok, we are all on the path of rediscovering.